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Poetry Section

There are only two so far, but the quality makes up for the quantity. I'm on the lookout for more.



I farted as I climaxed,
scratched my arse and fell asleep.
She lay there unfulfilled,
beneath a pure white sheet.
She says Iím fucking useless.
Iíve asked if she is gay.
She said she faked her orgasm -
and even faked foreplay!
Sheís told her friends about me.
Says Iím hopeless in the sack.
She's even asked my mother-
if she'll have me fuckin back!
Her words are very hurtful.
With every syllable I flinch.
She says I need extending -
by at least another inch!
Iím unable to retaliate.
I love her tits too much.
Life is not worth living -
if I cannot have a touch.
I've tried to be romantic,
bought her crotchless underwear.
Iíve even said Iíll help her -
trim back her pubic hair.
Its hard to make her happy.
But happy she must be.
I've made an ultimatum.
ĎItís the vibrator or me!í

ÖWaiting at the railway station.
Ticket clutched in hand.
My mother on my mobile,
my head beneath the sand.


Bob Mackay

The suicide had jumped and left the fourteenth floor behind.
but as he passed the twelfth (at speed), he had a change of mind.
With forehead bowed he prayed aloud in words to that effect
and brother Paul (who took the call) connected him direct!

The Lord was firm as he explained the law of Gravity
"The Universe depends on it and must have constancy.
Your mid-air prayer is quite unfair, you really have us stumped!
It's not as though you did not know the rules before you jumped!"

Our poor "departing soul" could see the point without a doubt
that having set it up one can't go mucking it about.
Without a doubt he could no flout a logic so profound
and so impressed, his mind at rest, he impacted the ground

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